Just Because I'm Not Crying Doesn't Mean I'm Okay
As I stepped into March — a new month, new emotions… the same grief — this post from Gary Sturgis (Surviving Grief on Facebook) truly hit me in the heart.
I’ve followed his page for a while, but this particular message felt like it was written for exactly where I am right now — going on eight months into this journey.
I’m sharing his words exactly as he wrote them, because they speak so clearly to this season:
One of the strangest parts of grief isn’t the beginning.
Because in the beginning…people understand.
They expect tears.
They expect shock.
They expect the visible devastation.
Early grief makes sense to the outside world. It looks like what people think grief is supposed to look like.
But then something changes.
The crying softens. The breakdowns become less frequent. Your face doesn’t always tell your story anymore. And that’s exactly when grief can become even lonelier.
Because when the tears slow down, the world often assumes the pain has too.
“It’s good to see you’re doing better.”
Those words are almost always spoken with kindness. But for someone who’s grieving, they can land in a very complicated place.
Better? What does “better” even mean in grief?
I may not cry the way I once did. I may not break down in the middle of the day. I may even laugh, engage, function, and show up. But none of that means the loss is gone.
None of that means the ache has disappeared.
Here’s the thing…grief doesn’t end when the tears do.
In many ways, it just becomes more private.
And sometimes…you don’t cry, and that can be confusing, because grief isn’t always measured in tears. Tears are only one expression of love, loss, and longing.
When they fade, it doesn’t mean the bond weakened.
It doesn’t mean you’ve ‘moved on.
It doesn’t mean your heart has somehow healed a bit.
And love…even without tears…is still love.
Gary Sturgis
Author: ‘SURVIVING GRIEF – 365 Days A Year’
I haven’t moved on. I’ve moved forward — because I have to, and because God continues to carry me.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18 🤍
