Nine Months....

Nine months… how can it be nine months?

Yet, it feels like nine years.

274 days.

And in those 274 days, there has not been a single one that isn’t filled with thoughts of my loving husband.

I ran across this quote a few weeks ago, and it’s the one that has stayed with me the most:

“I can be grateful for all I have… while feeling grief for all I have lost.”

 

And that’s exactly where I am.

I am grateful — so very grateful — that I am taken care of.
Yet I am grieving so heavily for everything I’ve lost.

When I lost Ricky, I lost a version of myself that only existed with him.

Next week will be our 31st wedding anniversary… and I’m not quite sure yet how I will remember that day.

Within these nine months, I have learned so many things.

I’m learning how to carry my husband’s legacy forward.
Working alongside our boys, getting things done around the house… just carrying on.

Because that’s another thing grief teaches you…

When death separates us from the ones we love, life does not stop.
It keeps moving forward — whether we feel ready or not.

Sometimes I sit out on the swing and just look around our place.

So much of it is still just as he left it.

And yet… so much has happened.

And I know, deep in my heart, that my husband sees it — just from the other side.

Sweet Audrey Dawn is now five months old.
She’s smiling, babbling, starting to roll over… and getting so excited when her big brother plays with her toys.

 

And Spencer…

Spencer is stepping into a new season of his own — walking in his dad’s footsteps in the plumbing trade.

I can just hear Ricky now…
“Seriously? For real??” 🥹

And I can’t help but think he feels close to his dad in this — carrying on what he started.

Yep… he’s starting an apprentice job with a plumbing company.

He’ll be going through all of his dad’s tools, figuring out what he can use.

Proud doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Somehow, in the middle of all of this…

grief and gratitude are walking hand in hand.

And I’m learning… one day at a time…

how to carry both. 🤍

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18