Ten Months.

Ten months.

304 days of learning how to carry grief, love, memories… and a missing that will last my lifetime.

That feels so strange to type out.  But, It's true.  I will grieve this loss, the rest of my life.  Until the Lord brings me home to heaven too.

I belong to several grief groups online. Some are more helpful than others, but one thing that always breaks my heart is seeing people who have lost a spouse say things like, “Don’t send me scriptures,” or “Don’t talk to me about God or your beliefs.”

I understand the devastation. I truly do.

Grief can leave you feeling shattered, angry, numb, and searching for answers that simply don’t exist on this side of Heaven.

But honestly… I don’t know where I would be without my faith in God.

He has been my counselor when my mind wouldn’t rest.
My protector when fear tried to overtake me.
My strength on the days I truly felt like I could not go on.

There have been moments where all I could do was whisper the name of Jesus through tears… and somehow, peace would slowly follow.

Not because the grief disappeared.
Not because the heartbreak became smaller.

But because I knew I wasn’t carrying it alone.

I ran across this image on Facebook recently, and every word of it spoke directly to my heart:

“Losing a husband is one of the most devastating passages a heart can endure in a lifetime.

It’s not just losing the man you loved… it’s losing your partner, your protector, your everyday comfort.

It’s the quiet where his voice used to be, the space beside you that feels impossibly empty, the memories that replay when you least expect them.

You don’t simply ‘move on’ from a loss like this.

You learn to carry the love, the pain, and the memories — one day, one breath at a time.”

That is exactly what this journey feels like.

One day.
One breath.
One prayer at a time.

And somehow, through these ten months, God continues to hold me together when I feel like I’m falling apart.

I still miss Ricky every single day.

But I also still feel love every single day.

And maybe that’s what grief really is…

Love that still remains. 🤍

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18